[Joss Lehrer] She’s been Eagle for several days now, and likely to Evan’s surprise, she has not been chattering their ears off. Much. In fact, she rarely uses the Totemphone, unless she truly needs too – like earlier, when a rather subdued request was put forth. Simply, Evan? Can I grab a minute sometime soon? I need some advise. And when/if questioned further, she didn’t give any details, just asked to speak in person.
Clearly, something is bothering her.
She’s not let it affect her work though, and at the kinhouse, she’s continued to strengthen the defenses, appeasing the spirits in a variety of ways, and even letting the little electric elemental that has a crush on Imogen stay in the car he chose, as long as he PROMISES not to follow her around anymore.
Then she locked him up in ‘her’ attic. Which is where she is now – and what a room it is. She’s appropriated the front half of it for her quarters, blocked it off with shelves, and shoved everything else to the other side. The lights are mostly white christmas lights, always on and bouncing to some unseen, unheared beat. There is a lamp or two though, and crystals in the high window that sends rainbows through the room during the day. The far wall, of course, was demo’d long ago, and is mostly plastic and wood to give a little protection from the elements. The “door” is open, and the goofy godi is there, tending to her mini flower garden, her hummingbird hotel, her water fall, and her bee hive.
(…wait, what?!)
Her feet are bare, her skirt and tank top cling to her skin, her hands are dirty as she continues planting in the planter boxes, and she’s a smudge of soil across her cheek where she bushed aside an overly eager hummingbird who thought her dreads would make for a nice resting place.
She’s never asked that any stay out of the attic – it’s fair game to her and anyone else. Most of ’em are just too chicken to come all the way upstairs. Is Evan? Time will tell…
[Evan McCollach] Evan knew quite well that Joss was an Eagle now. The feeling of another presence of mind won the wings of Eagle was very hard to miss, the collective understanding they shared under the Might of Eagle was enough to feel the new mind, strengthening Eagle himself once more.
That and when she returned from the bonfire she was drunk off only Gaia knew what, far too giddy and loud to not be heard by anyone who could have been home.
Part of him had braced himself for what thoughts could wonder onto their link through the mind of the giddy godi. Then again part of him realized her knowledge of the spirits and her reverence of the pack. To abuse such a gift bestowed by Eagle was a dishonor to The great predatory and the pack which shared his name. But it seemed that for the first time since she had arrived in Chicago she was actually bothered by something. An odd thought indeed.
Evan would not steer away from the attic, the half-moon was balance above all things and even if his main duty was the law of the Nation, he had to have knowledge of all duties under Luna’s own. The spirits were within his purview as well, just not as good as the theurge of the nation.
And as he moves to the door of the attic, he knocks. Not so much it being the room of the godi, but because it was the room of a female. And he didn’t wish to catch her off guard.
“Joss… you wished to speak with me?”
His voice seemed to have changed somewhat, softened it seemed from the first time he met her.
[Joss Lehrer] “It’s open!” she called as the lights inside jumped about excitedly – fluttering to let her know Evan approached even before he had gotten past the second flood landing. Being as excitable and happy as she is, it’s no surprise she attracts elementals to help in her cause that show the same giddy reverence for the Eagles as she has since she arrived.
When he opens the door, she is at the at the opening in the wall, where she’s let the bare floor become something of her own porch, where she can set up her chimiage without it bothering anyone else. Like the beehive. Which she took 3 days and built herself, thank ya very much. It’s not pretty, but it IS functional.
“I’m out here – the hummingbirds asked that I plant some more of their favorite flowers.” A dramatic sigh, as she brushes back her dreads, and leaves another smear of grime across her forehead. She doesn’t seem to mind, or care. “I’ve some lemonade if you like. Watch your step – that board there is loose. I haven’t had a chance to fix it yet.”
She points to the board in question, and then steps out to her ‘balcony’ again, and settles to the floor beside the planters box she’s been arranging a varity of nectar rich flowers for the hovering hummingbirds. There’s a chair across from her, and a small garden table, with a pitcher of lemonade and glasses on it.
Once he joins her, and she has her hands occupied again, much as her thoughts are occupied with her current problem she’s wrestling with, only then does she speak. She doesn’t step into it sideways, but attacks it head on. “I had another… altercation… with Samual Modine.” There is no happy smile, no giddy glee that makes it’s way to her eyes – all that burns there with the name is a cold fury. It’s Very Fenrir. Nevertheless, it’s still… disconcerting to see. “He claims to wish to do a Rite of Contrition. I am not sure… that I want him to, that I can…” she growls, frustrated. “I was hoping to get another opinion, before I met with him later this week, so that I don’t do something stupid, or anything that would reflect badly on us as Eagles, on Fenrir, on… well, mainly on us.”
[Evan McCollach] He steps around the gathering of items that make up the Godi’s room. The board that was already loose and needed to be maintained [hell most of the house could probably use the touch or repair, afterall the Eagles were around Chicago for a long time and the house had seem many come and go. Finally moving towards her makeshift balcony and the nest for the spirits all around.
He does not move for the pitcher of lemonade, nor the chair as Joss continues to tend to her garden for hummingbird. He just seems to stand there and listen, the problem behind it all. It seemed that Sam had once again put his foot in his mouth. It was normal, but maybe…
“What did he do to earn the need for a rite of contrition?”
It was said as if it was not the first time. He had continually been disrespectful to both the Eagles and his own tribe. This was starting to become a tired act.
[Joss Lehrer] She sighs, and presses the soil around the roots of a flower that’s a rather lovely shade of indigo, before she sits back on her heels, and looks up at Evan. “I didn’t ask for the rite, just to be clear. Like I said, I’m not sure I want him to even try, as I’m unsure from what I’ve seen that it will make any difference.” He doesn’t sit, and she doesn’t stand, not minding that he stands above her. He is Beta, and she is asking his advice. As improper as she often can seem, she is well versed in manners, and is clearly at ease – aside from being upset and worried.
“I was going to a bookstore, and ran into Henry Allard outside of the door. He was speaking with someone on the phone, and mentioned that police officer that is missing. Sam happened to be walking by and overheard. He introduced himself to Henry, and asked to speak to him in private. Henry was clearly uneasy, so I offered to go with him. When we were in a more private setting, Sam then confessed…” She pauses, her hands clenching into fists tight enougth to leave her white knuckled before she relaxes them forcibly.
“…he then confessed to have killed the police officer. To a perfect stranger, known only as Kin because I was there with him. When Henry asked why, Sam said that ‘someone should know how brave he was. Someone has to know.’ and Henry… Henry was so upset, he struck out verbally, than stalked off, while Sam continued to call after him that he ‘had to tell SOMEONE, that SOMEONE SHOULD KNOW…’ ” she grits her teeth, and then continues.
“I snapped. I snarled at him so sit and shut up, to listen to me instead. That he had ONLY done that in order to make himself feel better. It had nothing to do with Henry, or even the dead cop. It had everything to do with Sam being selfish and wanting to unburden this guilt for being a “murderer” – for doing his JOB as a Modi of the Nation. So he unloaded it on a STRANGER, and I found out later that Henry was already under investigation for the murder! Sam just destroyed what little plausible deniability that Henry may have had just to make himself feel better, because now Henry KNOWS, so it will look like he’s hiding something, which he IS, and….” She throws her hands up and shakes her head. “It’s ridiculous. It’s immature. It’s petty, and pathetic, and I cannot hardly SEE straight when I think of it.”
She sighs and continues. “Sam approached me at the bonfire. Said that he wanted to “try out a rite” on me, and clarified it was the Rite of Contrition, because the spirits don’t care about kinfolk they way they would about me.” That gets another soft growl, before… “And then he said he’d apologize to Henry. I threatened to throat him if he so much as LOOKED at the guy. Sam agreed, and as far as I know he’s not tried to approach Henry again, though I wouldn’t put it past him to do so in the future. He’s all about making himself feel better, making things right in HIS view. Just as he has about the incident in the brotherhood where we saw him attack Marcus – where he believes that he was wronged completely, and continues to lay the blame on Marcus, refusing to see that he had any part in that incident, feeling justified in attacking Marcus.” She just shakes her head again, and look up at Evan.
“I’m not sure how to handle any of it. I’d appreciate any advice you can give me.”
[Evan McCollach] He listened as Joss spoke of the outrageous actions that Sam had undertaken. These continuous actions that seem to revolve around Sam and his foolishness. And he could only close his eyes, taking several deep breathes to try and calm his nerves, his rage that was starting to boil up within him.
But that soon started to fade away as his hands move to rub his brow before finally coming away, showing his light emerald eyes to the girl as she comes to finish. His head shaking after thinking of this all.
“This boy is turning out to be a handful indeed. Maybe it would have been wiser to just put him down last time.”
He was not old at all, not by a long shot. But in their world physical age was nothing. Warriors matured much faster, fostern made him wiser than the cliaths of any age and being a father…. was a sobering reminder indeed.
“He is a child it seems, a child filled with fury and rage. A wonderful warrior indeed, but is lacking. There was a reason I did not step up when he needed a healer being one of the most known in the Sept. His actions are rash and thoughtless, he will get himself or someone else killed one day that is certain. But why does he go to you to feel contrite?”
He kneels down now, coming closer to the thruege in her duties, a hand coming to her shoulder and a sage nod.
“You are a wise girl, something you will find lacking at times. And I thank you for coming to me with this. If you were to demand him defend his honor I would not have had a second thought of it. We are a pack of war and glory is great among us. However Glory without Honor is murder, something Sam now knows all too well. He wishes to regain that honor and so looks to be forgiven.”
He pauses and nods.
“When Sam comes to you for contrition send him to me. Henry is of my tribe, I am Beta of the Eagles and shall speak on behalf of our totem if Decker so allows. I shall allow Sam to be contrite…. when he shows me that his muscles do not overshadow his brains.”
[Joss Lehrer] She chuckles softly, though it is without mirth. “That is the reason I stepped up for Lukas, instead of Sam. I would have healed any of them, even Sam should it have been required as is my duty as Godi, but I was making a stand, in some small way.”
Evan touches her shoulder, and she meets his gaze, and then nods, slightly. “Thank you, Evan. I will tell him to seek you, then. Henry is a good man, and deserves to have his Tribe behind him – even if he’d deny being affiliated with anyone if he could, so uneasy is he.” She touches Evan’s hand on her shoulder, unknowingly leaving a smudge of dirt there from her fingertips. “Thanks for talking to me about it all.”
She looks up at him and chuckles. “And if I forgot to say thank you for healing me the other night so I could patrol – thank you for that too. I was so drained I couldn’t have summoned any help if I tried.”
And then, the Godi he knows is back, the sparkle starts deep in her eyes as she murmurs. “Silence went to the BattleGround Realm to watch the battle from that night… to watch ME!” She’s awed, a little still, and when she says the next it’s clear why. “Then he made me HIT HIM. It was like hitting a BRICK WALL.” She rubs her jaw ruefully. “Followed by said wall hitting me BACK.”
[Evan McCollach] He shakes his head when she goes to thank him. There was no need, they were pack and coming to each other with problems, concerns or needs was almost given.
“If you ever need my council please do not hesitate, I assure you if I have any questions of wisdom or spirits I will come to you.”
Then she was back to her old self and that seems to calm him a little bit more.
“Yes Decker does have a good knowledge of the Umbral realms. I think he spends a great deal of time in the battleground realm. Never actually asked me to hit him though”
[Joss Lehrer] She nods, and smiles. “I’d be happy to help. The spirits here are so eager to come when you call, so happy to help.” she shakes her head. “Though playing tag with the electricity elementals can destroy your cell phone. Just, ya know, for future reference.”
He calms as she talks of Decker, and her initiation, and she wrinkles her nose up at him with a shake of her head. “Be glad. He hits BACK. And he certainly wasn’t holding back. Told me the first wasn’t hard enough – so the second had better be. I asked the Fire Spirits to help distract him – they showered him in sparks and I cracked him a good one. He almost put me on my ass after that, before asking me to summon healers without going umbral. Not impossible, but not easy either. They like me though.” She smiles, and reaches over to let the little waterfall run over her fingers, cleansing them from the dirt she’s been digging in. The water doesn’t muddy though – odd that. The earth just seems swallowed from her fingers, pulled away and filtered to the bottom, without muddying the water. “So it worked.”
[Evan McCollach] “I guess he figured dragging me across country driving in a Prius with him to Baja Mexico was bad enough. The man does not drive slower than 90 just so you know…. and I don’t know how to drive. Think about that while he sideseat drives in his sleep.”
He laughed slightly, recalling some of his earlier memories of being Eagle. He didn’t get in the way most garou did. Then again he did have to prove himself still.
[Joss Lehrer] She laughs lightly and nods. “I’ve ridden with him. Once. In the backseat of the ‘Cuda. He’s lucky afterwards that I didn’t arrange for that Hot Water in the dockhouse to be SCALDING instead – though it wasn’t as bad, Imogen was with us.”
Just speaking the name and suddenly there’s a little hotwheel hightailing it through the makeshift door to bump into her bare foot, she mutters and reaches down to turn it around. “Just because I said her name doesn’t mean she’s here. Go back to bed!” If a hotwheel can look disappointed, the little police car does as it goes back inside, slower, to resume it’s place in the Godi’s Room.
She goes back to work in the flower bed she’s been putting together, content to be spending time with work, talking with a packmate, something subtly different than just the week before, when she was merely trying, instead of accepted.
“Can I ask you somethin? Why didn’t you step up for Elder? I mean, I think I know, but I’m just curious. And course, you can tell me to mind my own business too…”
[Joss Lehrer] (Ahem. Master of Challenge, not elder.)
[Evan McCollach] He looks down at the little police car that seemed to have now become a fan of Imogen and reacted even when her name was spoken of. It seemed that Joss and the spirits did indeed have something in common.
Poor, poor Imogen. What a fan club.
“You think I should have don’t you? Thank you for the vote of confidence.”
He stands up now, his hand moving from her shoulder as he moves closer to the edge of the balcony, overlooking the water. The darkness that was almost overwhleming as the clouds hid away Luna and the stars above.
“Decker believed I should have challenged for it too, that and Elder. I personally did not believe I was suited for either.”
Eyes coming down while thinking it over.
(WP Roll
Dice Rolled:[ 6 d10 ] 1, 1, 3, 5, 5, 9 (Failure at target 6)
[Joss Lehrer] She laughs softly. “I don’t mean to be presumptuous, but I do have confidence that you would do well for either position. I have seen the way you handle disputes in the Brotherhood, among others. You step in, you make decisions, and I have not found your advice and comments to be lacking – even when dealing with a goofy godi.” She’s clearly aware of who she is, and how she often comes across. She just doesn’t care. She is who she is – like it or leave it.
Mostly folks like it. After they get used to her.
He says that he felt unsuited, and she settles back on her heels to study him for a long moment. “Often our ideas about our own suitability is flawed by our own preconceptions of our failings. Tell me, while the Eagles were not a part of the sept, did anyone hesitate to seek your mediation?”
[Evan McCollach] He could feel it start to boil up in his body, his eyes downcast now. Almost seeming to forget everything that was around him, everything that Joss and he was speaking of. He could feel that tightness in his chest. It was almost as if he couldn’t breathe and it was eating away at him.
Such a waste. Just pitiful really.
He could not bring his eyes up to meet with Joss’ he could barely open them as the thoughts run through his head. The words that forever plagued his mind, always on the edge of his thoughts.
How can you expect to ever succeed when you have already failed at birth. Father should have done away with you once he found out. Now you shame us all
He tried to shake it off, moving to lean on the railing. Joss’ words a flutter in the back of his mind, mute to his ears as he cannot focus. Breathing only starting to quicken now.
Why even try anymore? You are worthless, a pox that must be cleansed away. Unsuited for the gifted life you were born into.
He could feel it all coming down and he needed to just sit down. Get away. Anything. Just… just….
He grabbed his head and started to rock, fists pulling at hair as he could feel water starting to run along his eyes.
[Joss Lehrer] (don’t mind me)
Dice Rolled:[ 4 d10 ] 1, 2, 3, 6 (Success x 1 at target 6) [WP]
[Joss Lehrer] (aw come on! +1 diff.)
Dice Rolled:[ 4 d10 ] 1, 7, 7, 10 (Success x 3 at target 7) [WP]
[Joss Lehrer] She sees him start to pull away, start to go into his own head, into.. something, that he can’t even look at her though. She sees the affect this has on him, and she is instantly on her feet, dirt falling from her skirt, from her hands as she crosses the short distance between them.
She has seen the rage flare up in him, and touched him then, her touch warm and understanding. Wolves are creatures of touch, of contact, as are humans, and Joss has a healthy helping of both, and as such she touches him now. She stands before him, her hands sliding over his arms, until her fingers wrap around the fists that he pulls at ginger hair with, easing his hold, forcing him to release his hair, to stop paining himself, instead taking the force of his grip on her own fingers. Her slender form is close – smelling of earth and dirt and sweat and grime – things that mark her as someone of the earth, of spirits, of hard work and noble intentions.
She is not quiet, either, though she does not use the Totem Link – she will not embarrass him by pointing out his distress in a public forum, for the other Eagles to hear. Instead she uses touch, and the soothing calm of her voice as she speaks to him, quiet with a power that she has learned to channel well in her few short years. Sometimes, it is easy to forget the teenage girl, and remember the Fostern.
“Listen to me, Evan McCollach.”
He fights his inner demons, and her touch remains gentle, firm, offering the strength within her as she speaks, as she [persuades] talks to him as equals, as one who respects all she has seen in him so far. “Listen to me. You are Judgment of Sterling Silver. You are a Philodox I would be proud to call Foresti in the way of the Fenrir. From what I have seen, what I have heard, you are more worthy than so many who have passed their rite of passage, their rank trials in the Sept of the Storm Hammer. Whatever you hear right now, whatever they say, they are nothing but lies. You know I would not lie to you, Evan. I am honored to be your packmate, to be your omega, and to hopefully become your friend. Shhhh. Look at me, and listen Eagle has found you worthy. As has Silence. As do I.”
She will not stop until she persuades him of the truth – at least as much as she can in this moment. Her instincts have never failed her – hopefully they will not fail her now.
[Evan McCollach] (WP)
Dice Rolled:[ 6 d10 ] 1, 1, 2, 4, 5, 8 (Failure at target 8)
[Evan McCollach] He could feel Joss’ touch, could feel her, hear her once more. Her voice starting to drift through the fog and haze that his mind had created in this state and for a moment he could hear her. Call his name. His deed name…. his..
For here on you will be known as Judgment of Sterling Silver, so the world may always remember your failure. Disgrace to Falcon’s own.
She could feel him start slipping away again. The few seconds where his fingers start to relax on his hair seem to only strike harder. If he had the force of will to focus he might have even had Eagle’s Might and that ginger head of his would suffer a dark fate.
Be thankful that our Father is as lenient and merciful as he is. If I were him I would have done away with you as soon as possible.
She was talking, he could see her lips moving, sort of through teary eyes and pained looks. He could tell she was trying to say something trying to push through the haze but it was all foggy. The words coming in spouts here and there… words that touch here and there. Storm…. trials…. lies…. Eagle. He cannot find his way through the haze. And he can feel his feet give way as he collapses to the floor.
You will be nothing more than my omega. Be grateful I even allow you to look upon me. Father asks I watch you and only by his honor do I even suffer your presence. But no more than the shit on the ground or the flies that surround it.
Why has he failed his father so? Why couldn’t Falcon see him as true… why? why?
Why?
[Joss Lehrer] He collapses, and she falls with him, her hands still on his, his eyes filming over as he slips away – when she says…
Oh.
She did not gain Fostern at such a young age, for not being able to see the signs, for not being able to piece together a puzzle, to figure out the hows and whys and whatfors too. She leaves her hands on his, in his, and most importantly – does not stop talking, offering a quiet strength, offering him some sense of stability to grab on to, in order to pull himself out of this once more.
“Evan, listen to me. Listen. Follow my voice, listen to my words, all of my words, look at me. You are Eagle Beta. You are Foresti. You are strong. You are Eagle Beta. You are strong. You are Foresti. You are Eagle.”
Words are power, and these are carefully chosen as she continues her soft litany of positives in effort to remind him who he is, which is so much more than his “family” could ever have foreseen.
[Evan McCollach] (WP coming back in a little)
Dice Rolled:[ 6 d10 ] 1, 6, 7, 8, 8, 10 (Success x 3 at target 7)
[Evan McCollach] He could feel himself starting to feel her words again, the fog starting to fade away, slowly as the flood of positive words start to permeate his brain. He was a fostern, he was beta, he was Eagle. Joss had continued to comfort him in this manner.
Decker had seen him like this once before. And he offered similar words. About being Eagle, about being fostern…. however his way was not so comforting. Effective, but not comforting.
She could feel his heart start to calm down, his breathing evening out. Just starting to feel the effects coming to fruition.
[Joss Lehrer] He starts to come around, and encouraged she repeats the same litany, her voice soft, her grip on his fists easing as he relaxes his grip, her touch soft and soothing though fingers ache with the force of his grip, her hands warm and lingering against his wrists, her words a continued encouragement.
If she thinks any less of him for this, it’s not evident, and knowing her, he can rest assured that this means nothing in the long run. They all have something – something that stops them in her tracks, and some day he may have to bring her back from the brink as well.
He is fostern. He is Beta. He is Eagle.
She does not stop until his eyes are clear as he looks at her, until he meets her gaze. Only then, when she is assured that he is back, that he has found his strength again, only then does she lean back and let her hands slide from his. She reaches to the side and pours him a glass of lemonade, and offers it to him, her voice still offering that same soft strength. “Need a drink?”
There is not even a hint of condemnation in her voice, her eyes her being, and if he has learned anything of her, it’s that she wears her emotions in her eyes. She couldn’t lie if she tried.
[Evan McCollach] He can feel himself on the floor, he can feel himself coming out of some sort of stupor. He could feel the words of the past, some distant some now so distant. He could feel it all and he could feel some of the embarrassment starting to sink in. That and tiredness.
“Thank you.”
He would take the lemonade when offered, trying to get himself up as his feet seem to becoming a bit unsteady.
“I am sorry for… that…”
He could not even begin to form the proper words, just trying to get his bearings together.
“I am sorry… but I think I need to rest… I will… tell you about… this afterwards.”
[Joss Lehrer] She smiles, and it reaches her eyes, there is no doubt that she speaks the truth. “When you’re ready. There is no pressure here, and no need to apologize. We all have crosses to bear. Even me.”
While she’s concerned, her opinion of him is completely unchanged. He is a coggie that challenged at Storm Hammer, that was accepted by Eagle. He is so much more than a few moment’s fall into weakness.
When she’s sure he’s back in control, she stands, and moves back to her planter, allowing him the dignity to get up on his own, without her help. She is, after all, Fenrir. She settles back into her planting, and smiles over at him. “Get some rest. I’ll be here if you need me.” She taps her temple and leaves a glob of dirt there, and makes a face as she tries to wipe it away and makes it worse.
[Evan McCollach] (Thank you for the scenage Lessa)