Adara Mires
It’s around dinner time when a now familiar knock is heard on Izzy’s door. She knew by now it would be the Fury coming over for her daily visit. Ever since the first night she had tried to help the detective, Adara has come over, just to chat, sometimes with food, other times with something stiff to drink.
Tonight, she had picked up food, kebabs, shish tawook, some rice and greek potatoes. She’s dressed her usual way: jeans, sandals, tank top and a light vest.
As she waits for the door to opens, she thinks about things she’s learned lately and how everything might change soon and quiet will return for those plagues by these unnatural nightmares. For now, she simply prays the kin hasn’t shot herself.
Izzy Montoya
She hasn’t shot herself. yet.
It’s becoming more and more difficult to withstand it though – others, others have nightmares. Others get some relief. Izzy is on constant overload for all but five hours a night, and those five hours are twisted with the knowledge of what she heard and the nightmares of her past that all this keeps bringing up and stabbing into her psyche…
She’s losing her goddamn mind – and each day it’s getting harder and harder… she’s already had to take a leave of absence from work, and this could damage her career in irreparable ways. But that’s then – for now, she’s just hanging on… by the thinnest of threads…
She doesn’t even look to see who’s at the door. She doesn’t even get up from where she’s sitting on the window sill, the window open, cigarette in her hand, her eyes closed, fluttering behind her eyelids, following all the conversations she’s heard again and again and again and again…. Her voice is dry, barely heard, as she calls out only… “S’open.”
Adara Mires
She hears the strained voice and opens the door. As usual, she makes a face as she enters as the smell of cigarette hits her but it was Izzy’s place and the woman smoked. If she wanted to here and help the kin then she’d have to endure it.
“Evening Izzy” She says, closing the door behind her. There was some familiarity in her tone. It happens when you visit someone every nights for about a week. “I brought some food.”
She places it on the living room table and makes her way to the window. She doesn’t tell the kin that things might be over soon. She doesn’t want to give her hope and then fail. It would be cruel. Instead she says
“I’ll stay with you for most of the night tonight if it’s ok, keep an eye on you while you sleep and all that”
Izzy Montoya
Adara enters, and Izzy doesn’t move, doesn’t look her way. She’s holding on to her calm by sheer tenacity and Fenrir fucking stubbornness. The strain is evident in every muscle of her body, the way she sits, the way her hands shake when she finally does move and lifts the cigarette to her lips to take a drag, exhaling the grayish plum out the window. It’s not impossible to imagine she’s contemplated just leaning out, falling…
But it’s only 2 stories. Not high enough to make it stop. And she just wants it to stop.
She lifts a shoulder in a slight shrug as Adara offers to stay the night, knowing how little sleep their will be. Adara knows it too – knows exactly what she hears, what keeps pounding at her, keeping her completely overloaded and ready to crack… the slightest push and she’ll gladly put that bullet in her own head.
Adara Mires
She leans against the wall, emerald gaze on the kin. They weren’t friends. Not many people were friends with Izzy. She wasn’t that kind of woman. In fact she half expect to be told to fuck off once all of this is passed. But for now, no other Garou were taking the time to check on the detective and it seem the Galliard will have to do
She’s silent for a moment, letting the older woman finishing her smoke “Hungry?’ She asks, listening more to Izzy’s stomach than to her mouth. The kin would say no but she was so fed up the Fury had a feeling that she didn’t feed properly when she wasn’t around.
Izzy Montoya
She had moved to this city for an opportunity – one that’s now being wasted away by her mental decline – and for a man. She’s already lost the latter. The former hangs in the balance. And what’s worse, is that she isn’t sure she cares anymore, not after dealing with the confessions, the voices, the echoes in every damn room she’s set foot in for the past two weeks. She doesn’t have friends. Not really. And she has no garou checking up on her, which is normally the way she likes it – but if this is something they can fix, they can solve….
But they haven’t, and as far as she can tell, they won’t. She is on her own, and it never will stop.
She is defeated.
She drags a hand through her hair, and puts out the cigarette. She knows Adara hates the smell, but it’s a constant, something from before. In answer to her question, she shakes her head, slightly. “No.” Though if pressed, she can’t remember the last time she ate.
Adara Mires
She raises a brow “Well you’ll have to eat some nonetheless, especially if you want to rest as much as possible when you can rest” She tells the kin moving away from the window and heading for the food
“Then you get to pick if you want me back with you, in your mind and support you, a massage to get you relaxed some and less shaky or drinking until you pass out”
She look at her “I’d offer shooting something but it’d be too dangerous for you right now. I see the X-box but not sure you can focus..any other suggestions? I’m all ears”
She slowly take out the food from the bag
Izzy Montoya
She smirks, slightly, the barest hint of what she was before all this, as Adara nags and goes mother on her. She’ll have to eat. She’ll take care of her. She’ll try and help support and try to get her some rest, some relief. She just shakes her head, slightly. Of the choices Adara knows which one she’ll choose.
“Whiskey”
though gaia knows it will take a truck load to get her to pass out for longer than an hour at a time.
She pushes away from the window, standing and moving to the kitchen where Adara sets out the food. She won’t taste it at this rate, but she will at least try to put something down, so that she has something to throw up later.
“You know there’s been 56 fuckin people in this apartment? Junkies and losers and one fuckin cello player. Two murders, countless fuckin drug deals, and a suicide, right th’fuck there in the corner. An’ thats just in this room.”
Adara Mires
She listens to Izzy and nods “That is very harsh” She says understanding how hard it is for the kin. She has been in her mind, she has supported her as much as she could while being there.
“Well now you know that amongst all those, there is a decent, strong woman who lives there, giving the place some respectability” She says with a small smile “And we’ll get the whiskey after you eat some. Not too much but some before you sleep and then some more once you’re forced awake. Regular food will keep you going”
She look into Izzy’s eyes “And I need you to keep going. This won’t last forever. That I swear to you”
Izzy Montoya
It won’t last forever, she says, and Izzy snorts. “Really. What the fuck are ya’ll doin about it? Aside from force feeding me…”
She doesn’t comment on the respectability, as she knows damn well there are very few who find her respectable at all – let alone strong and decent. She doesn’t give two shits about what they think, really – she just knows.
From where she sits, day after day, she can’t remember why she tries, why she bothers, why she is so duty bound. She closes her eyes tightly for a moment rubbing her temples as she tries to drown them all as she falls into the chair with a grimace. “Sides,” she says, in a voice that is filled with exhaustion – and worse, defeat. “…not like I’m worth two shits to any one of you.”
Adara Mires
She raises a brow “Ah whole lot you don’t fucking know about Izzy.” She replies a little sharply. Something she did a little more often lately, ever since her rage has become more intense.
“I don’t want to get into details, I don’t want to give you false hopes but we’re making progress. Trust me a little all right? I think I deserve that much”
She starts to eat a beef kebab slowly, enjoying the taste of meat with a soft purr.
“And think about it. If you weren’t worth something, I wouldn’t be here. But you’re a member of the Nation, you’re a jaded, arrogant, foul mouthed, stubborn woman, true, but you’re also smart, skilled, independent, strong and to me you have worth as a kin but also as the woman, the person you are.”
Izzy Montoya
She makes a slight gesture at the sharpness of the reply. She doesn’t doubt there’s something she doesn’t know about, as she’s all but completely without contacts, without an inside tract here. But trust. Well, there’s not much of that at the best of times. This is far from that – but she doesn’t say anything further, for now.
She reaches for a kabob, and picks at it, forcing herself to eat something, if only to have something to vomit later.
She does smirk at the assessment of her worth. “That’d be a fuckin’ first.” She doesn’t say she believes it – but she doesn’t say she doesn’t, either.
Adara Mires
She shrugs “Well life is full of surprises dear. You’re alive despite everything you went through, despite your attitude toward most of us. That means something. It means you’re a survivor and that some must see something in you for you’re still part of our society. You’re still accepted in it after all”
She looks at Izzy “Anyway, no matter what others think or say, I do care. Too bad I’m not a guy so I could prove it in many other ways and all, but that doesn’t change anything. I’ll keep you safe until someone of your tribe steps up or someone worthy challenges me
Until then I’ll be there for you”
Izzy Montoya
She snorts. “I’m just too fuckin’ stubborn to die.” And she’s still a part, still accepted, though she has to claw and fight and dig in her heels to maintain her worth as more than the contents of her [empty] womb at every turn. It’s exhausting, but she’s more a part because it is who she is, who she was raised to be.
She is Fenrir.
As for proving things other ways, she smirks slightly. “No shortage of fucks when I fuckin’ feel like it.” Clearly she hasn’t since this began. If it ends – when it ends – some poor schlub won’t be able to walk for a week.
Adara Mires
She grins “I’m sure you don’t lack partners. She says with a shrug “I was just making a point. That maybe you’d believe me more when I say I care if you were fucking me. Anyway it doesn’t matter. Soon you’ll be ok and then I’ll keep out of your life until you need some help because that’s the way you like it”
She eat some more meat. It seem that whatever was happening around her, the Fury’s appetite wasn’t affected.
Maybe if she was the one dreaming or seeing what Izzy did. Then again, she has seen and understood.
Izzy Montoya
She snorts. “Fuckin’ ain’t always about caring. It isn’t that i don’t fuckin’ believe you. I rarely believe your kind.” She doesn’t fuck around because she cares, after all- for her its a control thing. They can’t control what she does – they never could, and never will. No matter what they’ve tried.
She clenches her teeth as the cycle of confessions comes around to the ones she knows far too intimately, and she pushes away from the table and goes to grab the whiskey bottle again. She doesn’t bother with the glass, shakey fingers opening it so that she can take a pull directly from the bottle, swallowing several times as she sinks to a crouch and holds on to the edge of the counter… this is by far the worse, this confession, this round of things she’s hearing – though the worst part about it is…
She can’t make it stop.
Adara Mires
She rolls her eyes. It’s not that Izzy’s point wasn’t good, it’s that she was missing hers. Or at least wanted to pretend she did.
She watches her when she move off the table and get the whiskey. Smoothly the Fury gets up and moves beside the kin. She doesn’t say anything but put a strong hand on Izzy’s shoulder, connecting her to the present, letting her know that she was there.
“Want to describe it? Talk about it?” The vision of course.
Izzy Montoya
“Fuck no.” She doesn’t want to describe it, talk about it. She doesn’t want to relieve it on endless loop. She doesn’t want to hear the asshole call her kinswoman, hear him tell her what he’d done to the others, what he was going to do to her, what he DID to her… She doesn’t want any of it…
She takes another drink, and then folds into a crouch, wrapping her arms around her head, a body wracking tremble weaving it’s way through her system, threatening to tear her apart.
Adara;s heard it with her. KNows what is being said. Knows what it means – and even worse, knows that it broke something vital in Izzy…
Adara Mires
She hears the tone of voice and she realises what Izzy was saying “Oh, it’s this one” She says softly, pain in her voice at what the Fenrir had to go through. She takes a sip from the bottle and then moves to be at Izzy’s side and puts her arms around her.
The kin may not like appearing weak, or have someone caring but the Fury didn’t care. Izzy needed some support, someone who could be there for her and since she lacked a mate, boyfriend or lover, well she was struck with a young Fury.
Izzy Montoya
Any other time she’d pull away – and even now, she doesn’t fold into the Fury like many others would – men, women, anyone’s who’s dealt with the trauma that Izzy has. She doesn’t pull away, but she does not folkd either. She holds steady, trembling, and waits for it to be over. It always ends – that’s the one light at the end of the tunnel. It ends, and she can breathe again, but before that, she has to hear every gruesome detail, feel it, all over again…
She takes a breath, and then a couple more swallows from the whiskey, before she can unfold a little, just enough to signal that this round is over, though she knows it will never end…
“If there is anything I can fuckin’ do to make this quit – please tell me. I can’t take much more…”
there’s a weakness in that admittance, and she hates herself for it – but it is there all the same.
Adara Mires
She let her forehead rest against Izzy’s head when the kin ask if there’s anything she can do to make it stop “There’s nothing you can do at the moment Izzy. But there’s something I can do and I will do it, even if it kills me. Be strong for a little longer, have some faith in me and soon you will be able to sleep better and do whatever you want to do”
She doesn’t ask what she will do when she feels better. It’s none of her business. She told her before that her personal life was Izzy’s own business. She respects that.
Izzy Montoya
She allows the touch, for a moment… then two… before she nods slightly, accepting that Adara will do everything she can. She’s just not so sure that she can take much more of this, at all.
She takes a shaky breath, and pushes up slowly, so very tired, so fucking tired of everything… and moves back to the table to force some more food down her throat… all in hopes of surviving another night of this.