to AnneMarie Hoch, Decker Rohl
[AnneMarie Hoch] She knew it was coming. He’d snarled at her to get back to the Kinhouse the other night, after all, so it was only a matter of time. Between then and now, she had done as she always does. Patrol. Eat, sleep and patrol again. Duty has never eluded her, she does so without complaining.
She slips into the packhouse, silently as always. The sound of her boots herald the arrival that she knows he is well aware of before she even opened the door.
[Decker Rohl] (ok — let’s defer the forums stuff until we can get ken on as well, and set this scene as a retro scene. it confuses the timelines a bit, but we’ll just fudge it *LOL*)
to AnneMarie Hoch, Evan McCollach
[Evan McCollach] (Okay)
to AnneMarie Hoch, Decker Rohl
[AnneMarie Hoch] (when I talked to Ken – he said that stuff happened after AM’s visit (assuming its the kill/change/whatever, haven’t looked) So. Yeah, I assumed that happened after this scene anyway. Cuz I’ll be damned if she’s gonna get into any kind of trouble for THAT too. *L*)
to Decker Rohl, Evan McCollach
[Decker Rohl] (wanna set this immediately after the order to return to base, then? though, then we’re gonna have to pretend yesterday night’s scene hadn’t happened yet, clark *LOL*)
to AnneMarie Hoch, Evan McCollach
[AnneMarie Hoch] (Nah – I’m cool with it happening now, just forums stuff happening after. )
to Decker Rohl, Evan McCollach
[AnneMarie Hoch] (It could be minutes after for all I care. Just getting this outa the way first. *LOL*)
to Decker Rohl, Evan McCollach
[Decker Rohl] (you sure? cuz he did order her back “Now”, but we didn’t get together til now *LOL*)
to AnneMarie Hoch, Evan McCollach
[AnneMarie Hoch] (Oh no, feel free to toss in last nights scene, this afterwards. I’m sure she’ll have something to say about it. (shining grin) It’s all good. *g*)
to Decker Rohl, Evan McCollach
[Decker Rohl] (OK! *shuts up and plays*)
to AnneMarie Hoch, Evan McCollach
[Decker Rohl] “You makin’ a habit’a disobeyin’ orders now, Ruhiger?”
Annemarie opens the door and Decker is right there, in the living room, on his beanbag chair, scowling at her. There’s a single lamp on, and its light is barely adequate.
[AnneMarie Hoch] A slim brow arches as she lets the door close behind her. She does not take a seat, just moves out of the way of the door should it open again, slides her hands behind her back, clasping them lightly. Her feet are set shoulder width apart – at ease.
She doesn’t answer directly, she searches through her memory and then, across the totemphone – the easiest method of communication, for all it’s lack of privacy. What order have I disobeyed? She would add -rhya, as she had done before, and its absence is no lack of respect, but because of a request from his lips, over a year ago. The tone of the question, however, holds the same respect the word would have.
[Evan McCollach] Dinner was at the kinhouse, Randi was at the apartment. So to get some food he had to move from teh apartment to the kinhouse. But that was what happened in a pack, you had to share what you have for the greater good. Especially considering the pack alpha had the best of the offers and that meant dinner was made at the kinhouse.
And as he made his way through the yard to the backdoor of the kinhouse to get to the kitchen, he heard AnneMarie start qustioning what she might have disobeyed. He just shrugged his shoulder and opened the back door to get to the kitchen.
[Cyril St-Christopher] (( Hurm… now might be a bad time… ))
to AnneMarie Hoch, Decker Rohl, Evan McCollach
[Decker Rohl] “Don’t play stupid. I ain’t in tha mood.” As if he was ever. “Toldja ta git back to tha kinhouse now — two days ago.”
[Decker Rohl] (sorry bout delay, was saying goodnight to mei *LOL*)
to AnneMarie Hoch, Evan McCollach
[AnneMarie Hoch] There is a flash of confusion across her face, in her eyes.
And I did. And I’ve been there several times since. Hell, Decker, I sleep here, too. Did you intend for me to stay here for two days to wait for you? Then you should have said so. I ask again, what order did I disobey?
[Decker Rohl] (http://www.chicagodusk.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=5224&st=0&+entry28576
go sound off on times!)
to AnneMarie Hoch, Evan McCollach
[Cyril St-Christopher] *Moving though the umbra Drift was in his lupine form. A pretty wolf as the coggies tended to be. Gray with black markings, he came to the edge of the Eagles turff and paused. In the umbra he looked around and threw his head back to howl his presence. Sure that such an entrenched pack would have a few gafflings some where that would hear and relay the message*
[Evan McCollach] His eyes seemed to cross a little as he looked around the kitchen. It seemed that someone was in the other room, as he heard the rumbling of voices and the faint sight of what could be a light. He pondered about going into the room, but that was when AM’s voice echoed again in his mind.
It was probably better to not interrupt the situation. He just turned around and pondered about getting some food. Meatloaf too… No better not stay around to interrupt.
[Decker Rohl] “Don’t fuckin’ sass me, cub.” There’s a low note of menace threaded in. “I waited a fuckin’ hour. You didn’ show. ‘n don’t tell me you was stuck in crosstown traffic. ‘s yer responsibility ta gitcher ass here now when I say now, ‘r else tell me why ya cain’t.
“Next time you drag yer feet, I’ll come’n findja. ‘n y’ain’t gon’ like that.”
[Decker Rohl] Decker’s attention peels away for a second, responding to some small sound in the kitchen.
“Evan, some tribesman’a yers is lookin’ fer us. Go ‘n see what he wants.”
[AnneMarie Hoch] Jaws clench, and her fingers tighten their hold behind her back, and by degrees everything relaxes again. Her gaze is somewhere around his shoes, for all she’s paying attention them. She could apologize at this point – but it isn’t something that… well. She simply has a feeling it won’t be taken no matter what. Decker’s attention strays, but her’s remains, firmly rooted right here, and the fury emminating from the garou across from her.
Yes-rhya. is the answer she finally settles on of the hundreds discarded.
[Evan McCollach] As Decker seemed to know exactly who and where he was, he just shrugged and moved back to the door. It seemed that meatloaf would just have to wait for business to be taken care of first. He looked into the window towards his reflection, looking to pass through into the Umbral.
He runs for the newcommer to the edges of the territory of Eagles to find the coggie who was calling for them.
[Cyril St-Christopher] *Drift was sitting on the far side of the umbral street which marked the border. No where near stupid enough to mess around on such things. Looking up he saw Evan and tilted his head. Hadn’t really expected that but it’d do.
Stetching he started to shift to his birth form and soon regained it. A slender shortish (( For garou)) Young white guy, about 5’10” Dark hair, intense blue eyes. Black teeshirt, jeans and sneakers. In one hand he held the metal staff.
A nod and he smiled* Hello cousin. I’m a smidge surprised to see you but always good to. How goes it?
[Decker Rohl] There’s a pause. In the interim, the gauntlet ripples, the Philodox disappears. Throughout — even while he’d called to Evan — Decker’s eyes were fast on Annemarie, relentless and penetrating.
Quieter now, and calmer: “Y’ain’t liked ta be called a cub, didja?”
The totemlink briefs Evan as he leaves: Might be tha Alpha’a the neighbors. Sent they Ahroun down couple days ago. Had somethin’ ta say ’bout our borders bein’ closed. Told ’em they could ask ta pass through in an emergency, ‘n walk around it rest’a tha time.
[AnneMarie Hoch] Would you? The reply slips before she reigns in the thought. There are disadvantages to the necessities of this communication. Part of why her hands remain clasped behind her back is to keep from signing. Something none has ever shown an interest in learning. She has adapted, but it shows that she is not as calm as she prefers to portray – not always.
Sorry. clipped. No, I do not. I do not like it from others, but it cuts more from you.
[Evan McCollach] He listened to Decker as he spoke across the link to him. The idea of someone challenging the Eagles boarders seemed a bit odd to him. Even newcomers to the sept would learn early on not to mess with the Eagles turf. And when he comes to a pause at the boarder of the Eagles turf he is rather suprised about seeing Drift.
“Hello, I am a bit suprised as well. I am doign fairly well, how about yourself? Found the Sept and a pack?”
[Decker Rohl] “Then quit actin’ like one.”
It could be a stinging rebuke, but maybe this is worse. He simply states it, level, unangry, a fact. The beanbag chair is his favorite. He sprawls in it, at ease, his grey eyes critical as he looks his auspicemate over. There are couches in the room. Chairs in the kitchen annex. The pack rarely ate together — rarely even ate at the same hours each day — but there is enough seating for the entire pack and its kin. That’s not an accident. The Eagles fly far and wide, but the aerie is large enough to accommodate them all, if all were to descend on this place at once.
Digression. Point is: there is plenty of seating, but Annemarie doesn’t sit. Decker doesn’t invite, nor order her to. Instead, they remain as they are, the cub (however little she may like the title) standing, the alpha nearly reclining.
“You think I sentcha ta check on Alaric as gruntwork, some sorta cub chore?”
[Cyril St-Christopher] *Drift nodded and casually leaned on the staff* Oh yeah, we’re doing pretty good. I’m actually the Alpha of the Wildcats. Here to do a little damage control. *He shook his head* We’ve got a shadow lord in the pack and apparently he thought it’d be a good idea to fuck around with your alpha a bit and question an Adren on shit he ought not have.
*Nodding to the north* Our pack turff is up in Lakeview, and it seems that it might come close to yours, at least in part?
The lord seems to have made…. Eh… what’s the nice way to put it.. Pointed inquary about traveling though your turf. Gaia knows why. But he’s a shadow lord and fucker always has to pick at people. He’s challenged me 3 times in recent memory and always ends up on his ass looking up at the sky wondering how he’s got there…. but apperently this time he said some shit to your top kick?
[AnneMarie Hoch] The differences between them are wide, vast even. The way they were raised, the way they were born, though they share the same tribe and moon. For her, standing until he tells her otherwise is a sign of the respect he deserves, it is a sign of submission, because he has called her here to rebuke her. It is not her place to assume she may do something so simple as sit, until he clears her for it. She cannot bring herself to sit because of that fact. He is her alpha, she has given all she can, all she has, to follow him.
In the end, she remains. Since her birth – to err is extremely painful. Better to stand until dead, then to be flayed for daring to sit in such a situation.
Quit actin’ like one, he says, and her brows furrow slightly, again the confusion writ across her face, in a brief ripple wave over calm sea.
No. You asked to see that he was in one piece. He clearly was, and had been camping. I assumed he was like all the kinfolk and not to be babysat. Once seeing he was fine, the duty done. Clearly, I was mistaken else I would not be standing here now.
[Evan McCollach] He looked at Drift for a little bit. The wildcats eh? At least it seemed that the Caern would still have some cover, because the hounds no longer had control over the lakeview. But it seemed that was not the case.
“And who is your shadowlord, if I can ask? It is alright if it rubs up against our turf, just be careful. Like Decker told whoever it was yesterday, you can run through the area when it is necessary, but otherwise just walk around. As for what he said to Decker, it would be wise for him to hold his tongue next time. Decker can be merciful, but he does put people in their place.”
[Cyril St-Christopher] *He shrugged* He didin’t give me the details and if he did I”m sure they’d shine him in the best light.
I’ve delt with him. He CONSTANTLY nips at my heels. You’d think he was the Ragabash and me the ahroun. *A shake of his head* To my knowledge, our people have no reason to tresspass in your turf save in an emergancy. They know where it’s marked.
Best I can tell he saw another garou and thought to wave his penis around in grand Shadow lord manner. IF decker hands it to him in a bun. I won’t cry. It’ll be his own fault.
His name is Jason Gathers Daybreak.
As for my pack and turff, We only claim about a mile vertical swath, a few blocks wide. From my pack house up to the condo that Jason and his mate keeps. Small pack. No need for huge sweeping territory.
Our totem is Alley Cat. She’s wise and wily. Not huge and super powerful. We fight….. *A bit of a grin escapes him* But it’s not always our first inclination. Your folks are welcome in our truf anytime. I can’t speak for the girls or Jason, but I’ve been silent at more than one moot in that caern… I don’t think you guys are the boogie men. If yall need to come into our turf you can.
[Evan McCollach] Jason Gathers Daybreak, hmm seems like the Sept always had more shadowlods come around when others passed away. And as he spoke about the Sept and boggie men he doesn’t seem to react at all.
“Well it is good that you have a totem and a pack, good for you to not run by yourself. I will relay the acceptance onto your turf. As for your shadowlord, well he will learn sooner or later. Hopefully sooner, so he doesn’t lose an appendage.”
He looked at the Drift and nodded. He was not going to say the territory was the same thing, there was a reason that the Eagles turf was closed off. Allowing them through for emergency purposes was a new thing, it was a start.
[Cyril St-Christopher] One can hope. Though there is a certain appeal to calling him Stumpy.
*Pushing off his staff he twirled it and nodded* Catch ya around man. Take it easy.
[Decker Rohl] It’s a good thing the moon is dark tonight. A muscle tenses in Decker’s jaw, and the Modi’s eyes narrow. Then, with a deliberate effort, he relaxes. He sits up in an effortless flex, planting his feet firmly on the carpet.
“I’m’on explain this to ya once, Ruhiger.
“If I sent a cub ta check on a kin, I’d expect that cub ta go, look, ‘n come back. I’d expect that cub ta do exactly as I say. Not one bit more. I’d expect that cub ta need to be told what ta do, step by step, ‘r not think’a it at all.
“If I sent a Fostern, I’d expect that Fostern ta go, look, axe questions, figger out answers, figger out whether ‘r not more needs ta be done, ‘n how ta do it. I’d expect a Fostern ta think fer herself. Ta not need ta be walked through every fuckin’ step. Ta keep her eyes ‘n ears open, ta report on tha details, ta act like she was on a mission. Not like she was runnin’ some pointless errand.
“You really think I put you and Evan on this if all I wanted ta know was whether he was breathin’ ‘r not? I wanted you ta look in on him. See how he was doin’. What he’s been up ta. See if somethin’s up.
“Now, you wanna be treated as a dumb, blunt instrument, told exactly what ta do ‘n how ta do it, fine. You tell me that ‘n I won’t never ‘spect ya ta think fer yerself no more. But you wanna be treated like you might be Fostern one day, like y’ain’t some retard who cain’t git her ass outta cubhood, then quit doin’ tha bare fuckin’ minimum. Quit actin’ like tha whole fuckin’ world’s out ta gitcha. Work fer yer fuckin’ rank.”
[Evan McCollach] “Catch you around, oh and if you do need something. Don’t hesitate to ask me.”
Yes he was very careful about how he stated it. Not to say ask us, ask me. He would mainatin if the problem should be viewed by the Eagles if it did become that big. However just asking Decker might get that person killed. He didn’t want the Sept to whimper to him when the shit hit the fan.
‘And good luck.”
[Cyril St-Christopher] *He nodded and with a wave, headed off into the umbral night, that supernatural grace about him now, that he was a child of Alleycat.* Sure thing.
[Evan McCollach] He nodded to Drift as he headed off and when he was gone, Evan turned back into the Umbral myst to head back to the kinhouse. If the meeting was over than maybe he could get himself some of that meatloaf. Because man was he hungry now.
[AnneMarie Hoch] I am no fucking retard. It explodes across the link, even as she spins a quarter turn away – as if movement simply can’t be contained any longer. Hands unclasp and one finds the wall – just the fingertips. [solid, flat, steady, steadfast, stop.stopstopstop. Think. Breathe.] The other remains at her side, fingers splayed, refusing to curl into the fist they want too. [breathe.] Her hands relax.
You expect me not to act like a cub. To act as the same rank I lost all in one night, yet on the flip side, everyone else demands I act as if I were still a child, still learning, fighting to a rank I all but achieved, that I had within reach – so close I could FEEL it… after fighting for it for so long. And I lost it all, because of honor, because of duty, because I swore to follow you into the mouth of the wyrm itself. And because I lost it – I lost HONOR in all the nation, and no one can figure how to treat me, so all choose to remind me of what I lost. Even you.
You ask that I not be a cub – to think for myself, and I do – but when I do I am reminded to quit acting more then I am. For fucks sake, Silence, make up your mind! I’m killing myself to be all you demand of me, all the Fenrir demand, all the Nation demands, and all I demand of myself, and tell me something…
A pause, a breath, and she dares meet his gaze for half a (lifetime) second. What do you really know of me, Decker Rohl? What do you know of who I am? Other then the packmate who has never failed to come when called, do what is asked, for two years. The one who remains by your side. But who. am. I – do you know? or care? And if not…
There is a pause, and a breath, and she shakes her head. Instead of finishing the statement. Never mind. Nothing was out of order. He arrived with a bag on his back and mud on his left shoe. He smelt of dirt and debris. Unwashed. There were no messages on his machine – as might be if someone were worried of his absence, no huge piles of unanswered mail, no dust or anything that would suggest an abnormal length away. Nothing seemed out of order enough to warrant more questions. I apologize for taking him at face value. It will not happen again.
[Evan McCollach] When that echo came across the totem link. Annemarie’s seemingly screams at Decker and yet in a few moments she is composed once again. It was rather remarkable how she was able to control herself at times.
And he made sure that he double-timed his return to the kinhouse. This was more than just a simple lecture from Decker, this was a pack matter and he was going to be there =, unless otherwise told to depart.
[Decker Rohl] Annemarie snaps. Goes off. Rants into his mind, and for a while, Decker indulges her.
Then she gets to I lost honor in all the nation, and no one can figure how to treat me, so all choose to remind me of what I lost– — and there he comes out of his seat so fast the eye can scarcely follow him. Brutally, quite without mercy, he backhands the other across the face.
“I,” he snarls, low, velveteen, “I, I, I, me, me, me. You fuckin’ self-centered pup. You think I should thank you fer doin’ as you swore ta do ‘n keepin’ true to tha pack? You think yer the only one to lose honor, Annemarie? You think yer the only one who had rank in reach? You think you was wronged by fuckin’ god, ‘n now tha whole world owes ya one?”
There he cuts off, sharply, drawn back into himself. His nostrils flaring, chest heaving, he boots the coffee table out of the way and drops down on the couch. Feet planted. Elbows on knees. Hands laced together, his knuckles pressed beneath his nose as he glowers at the now-cub.
“Yer too fuckin’ proud, Annemarie. ‘n you refuse ta see yer faults. What we done I ain’t never gon’ regret, but it ain’t come free’a cost neither. You hafta make yer reparations. Not ’cause me ‘r Blood Debt ‘r tha Garou Nation makes ya, but because yer own honor demands it.
“Yer a cub now, but you wasn’t put there on tha whim’a this fuckin’ Sept, y’understand that? Tha spirits have final say over rank. Fenris himself putcha there. You keep this fuckin’ rebellion up, these fuckin’ temper tantrums like the whole world owes ya, ‘n it ain’t jus’ me yer gon’ hafta face up ta.
“I ain’t askin’ ya ta act like yer a Fostern. I ain’t askin’ ya ta quit strivin’ fer more. I’m tellin’ ya the opposite. Accept that yer a cub. Start actin’ like you wanna be more.”
Somewhere in the middle of that, Evan returned. Decker doesn’t look his way, his attention bent on Annemarie.
[AnneMarie Hoch] He backhands her, brutally, and not just her head rocks with it, but her whole body. She ends against the wall, though even then there is some grace to the way she falls, to the way she remains on her feet, her face turned away, her gaze downward, the blood dripping from her lips where they cut across her teeth unhindered until it splashes on the floor, her palms pressed against the wall.
Her pale gaze fixed to the crimson fall, even as he pulls back, and crouches. She’s too fuckin proud [Pride, its all you have. Yourself and no one else. Only bend so you don’t break, give nothing to them, Bitter Grace, nothing.] he says, that she sees none of her faults.
How little he knows of her.
None of that escapes [memory of memory of memory], none of it comes to the fore. Instead, as still another drop, and another falls without her reaching to wipe it away, there is only a quiet. Ja-rhya.
Safety in brevity, while her entire frame trembles – aches to finish her thought, to clear her mind. Instead, it is reigned in. Again. Tighter then before, twisted into iron around the base of her spine. [bitter.bitter.grace]
[Decker Rohl] A long pause. Then, slowly, the Modi lowers his hands. Rubs the knuckles of the striking hand against the palm of the other.
“You wanna finish yer thought,” he says — guessing, or else reading her face, “you go ‘head now.”
[Evan McCollach] He got back when Decker was saod ‘yer a cub now..’ and he continued to listen from there. He did not make a motion to say anything at this moment, to speak up or even discuss anything right now. He was going to listen for the time being.
He watches as Annemarie starts to regain herself. He was not sure what happened, but right now he just watched.
[AnneMarie Hoch] He gives her permission to speak, but she does not, for a long moment, [Reign it in. Tight. Hold it. It is for no one but you. It is all you have.] and still she does not move. She does not lift her hand to wipe away the blood – just lets it flow. Does not push away from the wall. Just remains as she is.
Only what I saw, that caused me not to question the kin farther. Not in defense. For information only. He arrived with a bag on his back and mud on his left shoe. He smelt of dirt and debris. Unwashed. There were no messages on his machine – as might be if someone were worried of his absence, no dust or anything that would suggest an abnormal length away. Nothing seemed out of order enough to warrant more questions. I apologize for taking him at face value- rhya, for not waiting for Evan. It will not happen again.
The rest will remain unvoiced. The rest will remain hers alone.
[Decker Rohl] For a moment the Modi’s storm-grey eyes flicker over Ruhiger’s face. Then, with a slow exhale, he straightens up, his hands coming to rest on his knees.
“That ain’t all’a it,” he says — quiet, but certain. “When ya feel like tellin’ me the rest’a it, I’ll be waitin’.”
He gets to his feet. There’s meatloaf in the kitchen, but either he’s already ate or he’s not hungry. He passes Evan on his way out, and briefly meets the Philodox’s eyes. He doesn’t remind Evan of what they spoke of the night before; doesn’t have to.
The back door slams carelessly on his way out.
[Decker Rohl] (thanks for the RP! i’ma watch a bit longer while i get ready for bed.)
to AnneMarie Hoch, Evan McCollach
[Evan McCollach] hHe listened as Annemarie spoke about what happened with Alaric. There was something about the kinfolk that Decker was looking for, something that he was urging on. But he was giving away any details. And as Decker departs he looks at him and then nods. Then back to AM.
“Are you alright?”
It was a simple question, but loaded down with more than gauging how she felt physically at this moment in time.
[AnneMarie Hoch] He is quiet. But certain, and her eyes close, shuttering her away within herself as he walks away, as he suggests he wants to know, that he’ll wait. It will be a very long wait. She does not move, otherwise, until the door slams. She does not acknowledge that Evan is there, though of course she knows he is.
It seems she is still forever, when it is mere moments before her fingers curl into her palms, until her muscles finally cease quivering in anticipation, and finally flex and pull her body into movement. She pushes from the wall, and straightens her spine, her shoulders falling into line, her posture returning to it’s more natural [practiced] state.
It may seem for an unearthly long minute that she intends to remain by the wall until there is no one to see her move, until there is no one to watch, standing with her eyes closed. Right now, she does not even trust her thoughts, that they will not bleed if she has no outlet, and so, instead, as she pushes from the wall, and finally turns, her pale gaze is on her fingers, as the move in rapid, graceful sign, reminding the ghosts of her past of what she can never forget herself.
The language is beautiful to watch, even when no one understands it. Hands fluttering and pulling meaning from every angle, every gesture ripe with meaning. Somewhere, in the middle, she lifts her hand to her lip, and brushes the blood away. She answers Evan in sign, before she remembers, and belatedly translates her own thought into a nod. A not entirely believable affirmative, as ghosts of her pasts swim somewhere in pale gaze.
[Evan McCollach] “Are you intentionally lying to me or is it just a subconscious action from your stubbonrness?”
It is quite an odd thing to hear. From Decker, suhc a question would seem a bit harsh, direct, blunt. But from Evan it was different, a calm positive spin mixed with years of regal training. It was not a question of her intergrety but a question of her habit.
“I am sorry I was not there, I should have went with you. I will be going with Imogen tomorrow to speak with Alaric. However that is tomorrow. Tonight is tonight.”
He looked around the room, looking for a pad of paper and something to write with. He was going to speak with her now. Try and do what he said he would. And right now it seemed she didn’t want to allow everyone to hear her thoughts.
[AnneMarie Hoch] This gesture is universal, and understood, though the middle finger this time is not given with malice as evidenced by the slip of a smirk across her lips, there and gone.
Finally, she crosses the room, and sinks to sit on the edge of a chair at the table. She is far from relaxed, though she stills her hands, ceases the talk even with herself, as she crosses her legs, one knee bent over the other. Instead of words, now, long fingers concern themselves with smoothing her slacks over muscled thigh, of pinching the pleat at her knee, and smoothing it down to her ankle. It is nothing that they haven’t seen her do before, the unconscious gesture symbolizing her placing herself in order, in control.
Only then does she mar the image, by lifting the edge of her shirt to her mouth, to clean the blood away. See sees his look, and pulls her whiteboard from her pocket, and sets it and the pen on the table. There, she simply says. ~No apology necessary. I should have waited.~
That he will now is to go without her – with a kinfolk – is not lost on her.
[Evan McCollach] He moves over to the white board and looks down at it, reading what she wrote and then nods. Maybe it was not so much the look of what she wrote, but him taking measure of the board. And for a second he departs the room itself. It was a couple of minutes that Evan was gone, maybe he wanted to give her a second to collect herself, maybe he just didn’t want to talk to her in that immediate moment. But after a few moments he finally returned.
Legal pad and pen in one hand, a napkin in the other. And with that he moves over to AM and hands her both of them.
Then steps and moves back to sit down at the couch, looking back to her.
“So let me ask you… what do you think is my greatest flaw?”
[AnneMarie Hoch] He returns with a legal pad and pen, and slim brow arches, slightly. Another lecture is coming it seems, and she sighs – inwardly – resigned. One that will involve copious amounts of reply. [bite.it.back.] Outwardly, however, she simply watches him.
And blinks, at the question. Not exactly what she expected.
Finally. ~That is not for me to say. Why do you ask?~ Her writing is neat, small, meant to fit as many words in a small space as possible yet still easily read.
[Evan McCollach] He looks at the page and shakes his head.
“First you shouldn’t dodge the question that I asked. However it is your place, much of the time we cannot see the flaws within ourselves so we have to trust that those closest to us see it and are willing to tell us. That is the only way we can better ourselves, by letting people in and exposing ourselves and our weaknesses. I ask you because I believe you have good judgement. Now that you understand why I ask, will you tell me what you think?”
He waited for her to ponder it over and respond.
[AnneMarie Hoch] Her jaw clenches and she looks down at that page. Of all things, perhaps it galls her most that Evan has what she had already worked so hard for once, and now is reduced to doing so again. Don’t dodge, he says, and she swallows back any retort from mind fingers or pen. That she remains sitting there, instead of walking away, is once again testament to how much control she enforces on herself. There is no standard higher then the one she forever falls short of in her own mind. Long fingers lift, and slide through her short hair, only to fall again to her lap.
~Clearly my judgment has already been questioned thoroughly tonight. That you believe it is still good is bad enough.~ There’s a sense of brief amusement, before pen falls to paper again, only to remain still. Finally. ~You are idealistic. It is a curse, and a goodness, but it often clouds your thinking. You forget that others are pragmatic by nature, and try to force idealism on them. Sometimes, you must accept that I am simply a pragmatic bitch, that though my ideas are different, that does not make them incorrect. Just different. For example.~
[Evan McCollach] He moves to look over the legal pad where she writes down his greatest flaw. And as he reads it over, he starts to tap on his chin, just pondering it over. After a few more seconds, he nods his head and rips the paper from the page, folding it from corner to corner until it seems as close to a square as possible and then puts it in his pocket.
“Your are probably right about that. I will not argue that fact. But now may I tell you what I think your greatest flaw is?”
Yeah of course there was a little bit of tit-for-tat in this conversation. He was not going to lecture to her, but share with her. Lectures were one way and they did not help both parties to grow, to become better. Discussions did.
[AnneMarie Hoch] ~Silence told you to do this, didn’t he.~
She is far from stupid, and the timing is too perfect. Tit for tat, or beat up on the Mule, it does not matter either way. A shoulder lifts, before she makes a ‘go ahead’ type gesture. She expects it to be the same she already heard this evening. If it is not, she will be very surprised. She is not often surprised.
[Evan McCollach] “He also told me to come to you to teach me how to be a better fighter. But i figured that you would want to beat me up after this little discussion. However again you still have not answered my question. Do you wish for me to tell you what I think is your greatest flaw?”
It probably was the timing that made it fit, but for the time being he was just testing her right now. Feeling it ou.
[AnneMarie Hoch] ~First lesson in sign. This..~ she pauses and makes the ‘go ahead’ gesture once again. ~means continue. It’s a universal sign of go head, continue, that I thought was understood. Now who is dodging…~
She arches a brow, looks up at him and waits.
[Evan McCollach] He smiles and nods.
“Okay then. I believe that what you considered probably your greatst achievement is actually your biggest flaw. You say you are controlled, you have told me so before. However what you call controlled I call subdued. For lack of a better term you are a stone cold…, well your a rock. And although that does keep you strict, it also hinders you. Its okay to smile once in a while, laugh,feel vulerable, be annoyed when the situation calls for it. But you hold it all in. You let it fester, any type of emotion is tucked down deep until it finally explodes outward and it splays all over the place. Control is a measured response to the situation. Subdued to just not responding at all. I found you nearly dear and had to heal you back from the brink of death and your repsonse once you were able to… I’m fine. That is what holds you back.”
That was all.
[Evan McCollach] (*nearly dead)
[AnneMarie Hoch] She listens. She’s always been good at that – it is something someone without a voice learns early. She shakes her head though, by the end.
~It is how I was raised, that control. You cannot understand…~
A pause, and a different take instead. ~You must remember that I am Fenrir. When a Fenrir is not dead, they are fine. That is how it is. Would you expect Silence to say any different? It is our nature, our blood. Nearly dead is still alive to fight again.~
[Evan McCollach] “Your right, I have not lived your life, have not had your upbringing. But there it is. You paused. I cannot understand? Why? You wish to tell me something, to say something, but if I could bet on anything it makes you feel vulnerable, exposed and so you retreat from that feeling. Back to the safe place of what you believe is control.”
And then she deflects, talking about how Fernir are raised. If one is not dead then they are still alright.
“That is not all, you say you are alright even when mentally you are not. You started to tell me how you felt when I found you like that, liek you should have easily taken them and the you pulled away. Stopped.”
[AnneMarie Hoch] She shakes her head again, and her brows furrow as she lifts her hands as if to sign, then lets them fall again. Finally, she picks up the pen again.
~I am metis. I am mule. I am devalued by my very birth. I should not have lived. My mother failed to slaughter me with her dying breath. Even as metis I am shamed, because my deformity is not good enough, intense enough, visible enough enough to mark me as valueless and unworthy of life, marked by my parent’s sin. As Fenrir, as Modi, all I have to make my mark is tooth and claw. I was raised by one who’s standards were exacting. I bear her mark. I am the embodiment of her failure. You do not live my life. No one knows anything about me – it is not all my fault, Evan. I was raised to be this way. And no one, save one, has ever wanted to see beyond that.~
There is a pause. And then the most painful of all. ~Not even Silence.~
Her hand trembles as she writes it, and she drops the pen quickly, and pulls her hands to her lap, as if to hold them back from snatching the page away again, before it is read.
[snail] (you people are nuts! and i lied, i went to watch a movie *LOL*)
to AnneMarie Hoch, Evan McCollach
[AnneMarie Hoch] (You’re supposed to be sleeping! *L*)
to Evan McCollach, snail
[Evan McCollach] He takes up the page after she finishes, but it was not only the words he was interestied in this time. He watches her hands as she reigns them into her lap, trying to hold back and yet let him read what she wrote.
And the further down the page he read, the more he pondered what she wrote and how she reacted to her own hand-writting. And as he puzzled over the words a few more times, he looked at her again. Patiently waiting to respond, to gather his thoughts.
“Do you know what one of my challenges were, a test of my judgement. It was about two garou who created a metis child. I was to pass judgement on them and the child. When I said I would not kill them, any of them. I was said my judgement was too weak, except for teh Metis child. The child was detined for greatness and I spared it. Seven~Claws~yuf was pressed with the same decision and killed the Metis child, but has always had reservations about it, doubt. It was my judgement of mercy that allowed me to pass.”
He watched her for a moment more and then continued to speak.
“But I am no Metis, I will never know what it feels like. However if you wish to one day tell me, try and explain it to me. I will listen.”
There was nothing else he wished to say tonight. He didn’t wnat to try and press her too far to quickly. That would always have an adverse effect.
[Evan McCollach] (Yeah, you lie like a persian rug)
to AnneMarie Hoch, snail
[snail] (i was GONNA sleep. but it was so tempting! anyway *watches quietly*)
to AnneMarie Hoch, Evan McCollach
[AnneMarie Hoch] ~Of course it involved a mule. You challenged Fenrir.~
A pause, though before she writes the next words. It may seem that she is not going to add anything at all, before she finally touches pen to paper. ~It may seem merciful to you, to others homid born. It is no act of mercy to the child.~
And this time, as she drops the pen, she stands, in a single fluid movement. She walks only as far as the fridge, however, to grasp a beer, and Sniper’s dinner. When she returns it is to his cage, where she settles to sit on the floor by the edge, and feed the turtule piece by bloody rare piece.
[AnneMarie Hoch] (A turtule would be a special breed of Turtle. Of course. Yes.)
[Evan McCollach] He looks over the page and thinks for a little bit. And then says…. nothing. For tonight the topic was for the most part covered.
“Well I think that maybe it is time I get some sleep. I will need my strength tomorrow after I return from Alaric’s place. I was hoping that maybe you would be able to train me more in art of combat.”
[Evan McCollach] (Sorry I need to get some sleep soon)
[AnneMarie Hoch] She looks up, and simply lifts her chin. When he is ready to learn, she will teach. He is not the first to have asked, nor the first she has taught. Then her attention rests full on her pet, and keeping her fingertips.
[Evan McCollach] He nods to AM with the understanding that he was going to get his beating tomorrows, hopefully not to painful.
[AnneMarie Hoch] (Shoo. go sleep! *g*)
[Evan McCollach] (Have a good night)
[snail] (ack! night!)